Momiji Sohma My Affirmations
by Sora1589
Summary: Momiji's thoughts and the events that occur to him through the end of the manga as he learns to let go of his feelings for Tohru and move on. Pairings - TohruXKyo, HaruXRin, MomijiX/Tohru one sided rated M for future chapters containing mature content.
1. Chapter 1

Hi there fokes, well due to popular demand (but mostly personal interest) I've decided to 'add' onto my previous Momiji song-fict. Continuing in that tradition this is also a song-fict, but probably not quite like you've read before, this ones not a oneshot. It will (should) be a multi-chapter fict with 17 pages, if all goes well. Each line from the song 'Affirmation' by Savage garden. But before I start, just a couple of quick points:

Savage Garden is an awesome band I love it a lot hehe

At no point through this fict do I claim ownership of any characters appearing in the manga/anime 'Fruits Basket', they are all owned by the super wonderful Natsuki Takaya.

If you haven't read/watched fruits Basket, then go... now! Don't worry, this fict will be here when your done... go read! Hehe

I LOVE comments and stuff. Please leave your thoughts at the end.

Don't forget to check out the 'prequel' to this fict, it's called - "Momiji Sohma – I never gave a reason"

Loves you all and enjoy!

**Chapter 1**

I walk over from the doorway and sit down beside her bed where she is sleeping soundly. For a time I just look at her, her soft brown hair and peaceful expression sweetly complimented by the soft breeze entering from the hospital room's open window which gently tussles her hair.

"Ahh, I guess your sleeping, right Tohru? Well I guess that's a good thing, you need your sleep to get all better and get back to being your cheerful, kind self" I smile softly, "things are too quite without you".

It has been a week since Tohru had been admitted to the hospital after falling from the edge of a cliff while in Akito's company. I am one of her most frequent visitors, with the exceptions of Saki, Arisa and Yuki. Between ourselves we manage to keep her company most of the time.

I lie back in the cushioned visitor's chair and let my mind wander while Tohru sleeps on. Kyo had been, and is still, banned from visiting Tohru by her 'bodyguards' Saki and Arisa. I do my best to not to bring him up in conversation when I visit. There are two reasons for that really. The first, being far more selfish, is that the more time I have with her the more time I have to win her over. The other reason is that I know it makes her sad to think, much less talk, about him. The last thing I'd ever want for her is for her to feel down. Seeing her sad is, to me, one of the most miserable things I've ever witnessed, and I've seen some very sad things in my short time.

"Momiji?" I look over and see Tohru's soft, sleepy, brown eyes looking back for a moment before she immediately sits straight up. Her face quickly becomes a tribute to embarrassment as red flows to her cheeks, "Ahh I'm sorry Momiji, I had no idea you were going to visit, if I did I would have…"

I put my finger to my lips and she quietens, "Tohru, it's alright", I smile at her, "I don't mind staying with you when you're sleeping. It's quiet and peaceful here, much more than at the main house, so I can rest here with you". I smile at her for emphasis and she returns it. There are few words to describe how wonderful her smile makes me feel, for whatever reason. It just fills me with courage… and hope.

"What were you dreaming Tohru?" Her peaceful expression suddenly leaves and I immediately curse myself.

"I… dreamt of… Kyo" her eyes turn down and her hands clench at her sides. Of cause she'd been dreaming of him. Even when you don't talk about him with her you can tell it's him who's on her mind and if she thinks about him so much while she's awake it makes sense that he must also take up a lot of time in her sleep.

I put on my mask to cover the pain in my heart that would show in my eyes if I don't. You see, no matter how many times I tell myself I don't have a chance with Tohru, I can't stop myself hoping. So when I'm reminded that it's him she wants; it just hurts that much more.

I slowly raise my head and see her slightly downturned lips and her carefully blank expression. I remember Yuki explaining that she was still upset over the argument she had had with Kyo before she fell. It wasn't fair on her, suffering because of his stupidity. My parents had argued often before my mum had her memories erased. Now my mother would never have the chance to apologize, or forgive. I couldn't let Tohru carry that around with her like I have…

"Tohru…", I start slowly, "there's something you should know. Something that Arisa and Hana think would be better that you don't." I look up at her and her eyes met mine. Part apprehensive, part curious, as she silently implores me to continue.

"You see…" I pause for a moment to word what I'm about to say, very carefully, "Whatever happened between you and Kyo… he was with you from the moment he heard you were hurt. He was really scared for you Tohru. I think he's been carrying the blame for whatever he did to you all this time. So you shouldn't". I look up from my lap at her, damnit, her downturned face only just showing the small tears running down her beautiful cheeks.

"Ahh Tohru, don't cry, I…uh… I mean…" then she looks up and smiles. Her lightly tear stained cheeks making her look so... like I just want to hold her and make everything okay. "Thankyou for telling me this Momiji. I'm so lucky to have you, Arisa, Saki, Akito, Yuki and everyone else". I smile at what she said, taken by her thinking that she's lucky to have me around, missing the subtle undertones of what was really going on in her head and heart.

"Ahh but your mistaken Tohru" I wink, "It's just the opposite, we are the lucky ones to have you" I send her the biggest Momiji smile I can muster, "and guess what, I got a present for you". Her eyes light up at the large bunny plush I bought. "Here's someone to keep you company when none of us are able to visit"

"Oh Momiji! I just love it" she places the rabbit in her lap and leans over it to hug me. I flinch backwards, remembering that she doesn't know I've been released from my curse and she stops midway.

I recall what I said to Kyo, how much happier she would be if it was him, rather than me, who was released from the curse. I quickly fumble for my mask as the memories and feelings come back, clouding my eyes. I see a slight blush creeping over her cheeks.

"Ahh I'm sorry Momiji, I guess I still need to remind myself sometimes not to hug any of the Junishi". She smiles at me while she picks up the soft toy.

A blonde nurse knocks at the door, "I'm sorry, but visiting hours are just about over". She looks between the two of us, no doubt, trying to determine our relationship.

"That's alright, Tohru, I think I should be heading home now anyway. I still have to walk home before dark" I shudder. It's not that I'm exactly afraid of the dark… I just don't like being in it alone. I smile at her and get up from the chair.

"Yeah, that's true. Take care then Momiji and thankyou, again, for the bunny. I think I'll name her Moon Bunny, 'cause she's same colour as the moon. She's so soft too... Will you visit again soon?" Asks Tohru, holding her new soft-toy close and ever so cutely.

"Of-cause I will Tohru and remember; whatever Kyo did it's not your fault... Can you promise me something?" Tohru looked up from her bed.

"Of-cause Momiji" and I saw her sweet smile again, giving me courage.

"Will you not blame yourself for what Kyo did? I'd hate to see you carry those feelings around with you".

Her eye's fall for a moment before looking up at me with a smile, "Okay Momiji, I'll try. I'll see you when you can come next then?"

I take her at her word, "thankyou". Unable to resist I lean down and kiss her cheek. We're friends after all. And a kiss is just a kiss…

"Good night Momiji, have a safe trip". I grin as her cheeks go a soft red.

"Goodnight Tohru", 'my princess'. I close the door behind me, take a deep breath and remove my mask for those few precious minutes between the hospital and the Sohma's main building before I'll have to return to the joyful Momiji most know.

_I believe the sun should never set upon an argument…_

_BAuthor/B  
_

_Thanks for reading __ much love. A few thanks to commenter's from the 'prequel' fict:_

_- Queen of the Crazy People - thanks for the lovely comment, and here's a sequel for you hehe, hope you like it_

_-GrEeN-eYeS119 – Thanks for the lovely comment too __ I hope you'll read this and enjoy it as well. I agree, the world needs more Momiji ficts hehe._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I close my bedroom door behind me after another trip visiting Tohru. She should come out of the hospital soon. I turn on a light and sit at my desk. I move away the schoolwork cluttering the space and search for my latest artwork, one I titled 'My Happiness'. It was one I'd sketched while I was visiting Tohru and she was sleeping. I'd drawn her sitting with her knees pulled up to her chin while she looked out the small window into a moonlit night sky. I look at her face, her expression erased and redrawn so many times as I tried to capture all the complicated thoughts in her head, about Kyo, being cooped up in a room, her mother, just everything... it's such an intricate balance of sorrow and hope. Nearly impossible to capture. Didn't stop me trying though. If I end up liking it enough I think I'll give it to her as a 'leaving hospital' present.

Soon Kyo would be allowed to see Tohru again as per his agreement to Arisa and Hana. If things go well then... could I give up Tohru? Why am I not good enough? I'm friendly, I let her lean on me when she's upset and I know her far more intimately than he does I'm sure. Does he know her favourite food? Colour? What does she know about him? I know she knows about the cat's curse but what about his family... his mum? The worst part, I think, is not that she would pick Kyo over me but that I'd never do anything that would make her unhappy. However it hurts me. That I can't stop her is definitely the worst.

A hand taps my back and brings me out of my reprieve. I was so lost in my thoughts I hadn't noticed anyone at my door. I fumble quickly for my mask as I turn to greet my visitor, a smile in place, but I'm never quick enough to trick Haru. Of everyone, he could always see through my facade. That didn't stop me trying anyway.

"Hi Haru" I said with my fumbled grin "what brings you here?"

Haru silently takes the drawing from my hands and places back on the desk "Come on Momiji, Rin and I are going out tonight and you look like you need to come"

"Uh… but I should be getting some schoolwork done Haru" I look down at the mass of school related papers covering the floor, and grimace at the homework I should be doing. That I won't do.

"Nope, you're coming with me. Count this as a 'life lesson'" Haru pulls me out of my seat. Even though we are nearly matched in height now, he's still stronger. Haru moves me towards the door and as it closes behind us I decide to leave any thoughts about class-work in the room behind me. If Haru insists on taking me out then I may as well enjoy it. I smile for real for the first time in a long while.

I did need to go out.

"Hey Haru" look to him and grin "let's get some ice-cream, my treat" and Haru smiles back me.

After picking up Rin we make our way down to the nearest ice cream place. I wander through the different flavours before settling on banana and chocolate, Haru goes with vanilla and Rin picks lemon. I pull my wallet out of my pocket but Haru beats me to the punch.

"Yeah, all three thanks" and Haru passes the money over the counter.

"Ahh Haru, I said it was my treat" I say, part whine, to Haru over his shoulder. Haru just turns and pats my head.

"Nope, I'm taking care of it today" He says as he picks up his and Rin's ice-creams off the bench.

I take my ice-cream from the lady behind the counter in defeat thanking her and Haru. Haru hands Rin her ice-cream before putting his free arm around her and leading us both out of the shop.

As the sun heads towards the horizon we make our way down the street, ice-creams still in hand, I remember Hatori wanted some groceries. Because between Tohru, Akito, Kurino and Rin he hadn't been able to shop. Normally I would but I guess I've been distracted myself. Either way, it means we don't have much food. "Ah Haru, Rin, do you mind if we do some food shopping while we're out? I don't think Hatori and I have much food left at home".

"Sure Momiji" says Rin, still in Haru's arm, smiling. Since Akito had become lenient about her and Haru's relationship, amongst everything else, she had become much happier.

We walk together in companionable silence as we eat our ice-creams until we reach a nearby supermarket

We walk into the shop together when Rin says "I think I need to buy a few things too" and Haru goes to follow her. "Ah... women related things" she says as she gently pushes Haru back; her face now a few shades redder.

"Alright then. I'll stay with Momiji. We'll meet you at the checkout alright?" Haru says in a deep soft tone. He gently brushes some stray hairs from her face with his fingers, slowly bringing his face lower so their eyes meet. Keeping her eyes firmly linked to his as his fingers trace down her cheek. Rin's face makes the change from a light blush to being roughly the same colour as a tomato at a speed that would make a traffic light feel inadequate. Rin didn't waste much time after that rushing to the appropriate aisle leaving Haru and I by ourselves.

Laughing softly Haru says, watching her rush down the aisle, "Ahh, blushing Rin is very cute" and nods to himself looking rather self satisfied. I laugh with him.

"So you did that just so she'd blush?" I ask, starting to bounce a little with all the sugary ice-cream goodness in me.

"Yup, Rin doesn't like showing affection in public so I like to tease her a little when we're out. When she's happy I'm happy. She's my happiness". Say what you will, Haru's much deeper than people give him credit for.

We walk down the first aisle picking up various food things. My father helps with the food money so today I'll pay for it with his account since I hate exploiting Hatori's generosity. "So when Rin's not happy, you aren't either?" I ask him.

"Yeah, my happiness is in Rin's hands. It always has been" Haru's soft expression reminds me of the way Kyo and Tohru look at each other, even if they don't realise it, which hurts. I just file the feeling away for later. After-all I said I would have a good time while I was out with Rin and Haru today.

"Ahh, is jelly down this way?" asks Haru, while pointing down the third aisle with a mildly puzzled look on his face. I smile "nope, not quite, it's down this one" I steer the shopping trolley down the second aisle where Haru grabs a couple of packets of jelly.

"For Rin, later" he smiles. I guess it's his way of making up for making her embarrassed earlier.

"Cause when we have jelly together she's happy, and when she's happy we have a good time" he nods with a smile, and winks back at me, as he puts them into the basket. I practically sweat-drop, laughing, I guess I was wrong, he had some ulterior motives.

Eventually we get to the end of our shop out, Haru had been smiling openly the rest of the trip since getting the jelly. We stack the food onto the conveyer belt and go over to the checkout guy.

"Hello, how are you today?" he asks in a fairly monotone voice, I guess he's nearing the end of a long shift.

"We're good" I reply, nearly automatically, as I get out my card to pay for the food. Rin sees us and walks over from the other side of the checkout stopping beside Haru.

After parting with a fair amount of money we leave the shop together and start to head back to the Sohma's main house.

"Firstly I have to put away all this food" I say, lifting the bags for effect, "but then what do you want to do?"

"Hmmm... I have an idea" said Haru, eyeing Rin in his open fashion. I'm sure his mind had travelled back to those jelly packets. Rin quickly turns a light rouge, I guess her mind's not fair from his, making Haru smile. "Cards" he finished, pulling a deck of cards from a pocket on his jacket. Rin and I very nearly trip over ourselves. Haru's innuendos again getting the better of us.

"Na, I'm in the mood for something more energetic" I say as I bounce around my two older cousins.

Haru becomes very thoughtful for moment before stating in a decisively, "A club it is then". My mood picks up at the suggestion, it's just right.

"Alright then" I exclaim, giving Haru a huge grin as I bounce the rest of the way home; staying just ahead of Haru and Rin who walk side by side with their hands linked and their fingers intertwined.

Once the food had been put away, and a note left for Hatori letting him know where I am and to not wait for me to join him for dinner, we all change into things more appropriate for clubbing and set off down the road.

"So, any clubs in mind?" I ask as we walk around the club district looking for a suitable club but also enjoying just walking around and the night-time atmosphere.

"This one looks good" Rin says, pointing to one with plenty of heavy base music and flashing lights. I give a wide smile in anticipation of dancing to the music and letting loose some of my frustrations. "Aww" I stare miserably at the neon 'No walking' sign on the opposite side of the crossing leading to the club. 'change, change, change' I chant under my breath.

The green stepping man lights up and I very nearly rush onto the street. If it weren't for Haru's hand on my shoulder slowing me I would have.

Once we cross the street I walk over to the bouncer/security with Haru and Rin behind me. The security looked over us before allowing us to go in. Even though I looked a bit young they see that I was with Haru and Rin who look older. It helps that I've finally had a growth spurt.

Once we get in we look around and get a feel for the place's atmosphere. There was a DJ sitting pride of place in-front of an impressive turntable taking over for the live band while they rest up for the next round off to the side of the bar accompanied by groupies. Around the club I see people on the floor dancing, around the bar drinking and others sitting around tables chatting and drinking. It feels good.

"Alright, so who wants a drink? My shout" Haru said, Rin and I exchange glances and choose not to argue, we'd try and pitch in later, but 'cause there was less of a chance Haru would be carded he should go.

"A tequila and squash then" replies Rin, her arm still lightly wrapped around his waist.

"I'll have..." I think for a moment "a beer" I decide. Rin and Haru both look at me, surprised that I'd order something like that. "What?" I ask.

Haru grins, a little wickedly, "whatever you want Momiji, your pick" before turning around and heading to the bar.

"Hey Momiji!" I turn my head as I hear someone calling out my name, partly not wanting to be caught being underage and at a bar and partly out of curiosity. I smile as I recognise a group of classmates. I give them a wave before turning back to Rin for a moment, "Do you mind if I go see them? Haru shouldn't be long" Rin waves me away with a smile, "That's fine Momiji, you go have fun" I smile, thanking her, and move off to where my classmates are hanging as she turns back to watch Haru at the bar.

"Hey Momiji, who's the hot chick you're with?" one of my classmates asks, bottle in hand. I laugh a little, "Sorry guys, she's taken", I point to my cousin at the bar, "She's Haru's girlfriend" laughing louder as the mood of drunken bliss moves from my classmates and settles over me as all the guys give a united sigh at the loss of Rin as a hook-up, people knew better than to think of taking a girl from Haru.

As the conversations start up again in the group one of the girls comes over and takes me hand in hers. "Wanna dance?" she asks. I recognise her from Yuki's class. I nod and let her pull me as she leads the way to the dance floor where the DJ's music is in full force.

I grin. Finally some movement. I really need to unwind and get this frustration out of me. Before I even realise it the heavy beat begins to move me and my mind releases all control to the power of the music.

We enter the song in the middle where it's steadily leading to a climax. Our bodies move in time and quickly fall in line with the movements of those around us. I feel the pounding baseline travel up from the floor through my body; connecting me to all the other dancers. All the flickering lights and the bodies around me helps my mind release some the burdens I left locked in my bedroom. I feel intoxicated, and it feels so good. I let go more and more to the beat and let it drive me. As the music rises and I feel the climax of the song coming my dancing gets quicker and more expressive with each passing second, matching those around me.

Time slows as the climax nears. My heart beating in time with the baseline of the song. My body moves as the climax comes with a clash of percussion, the music made visual through the mass of dancing bodies jumping in unison around me, before settling into a sweet guitar solo which slows down back to a steadied pounding throughout the club.

My classmate, Miki, and I move slower and closer with every beat. Before I even realise it we're nearly touching, my face turned down, meets by hers. Our eyes hold each others gaze as our bodies stay barely apart and move in time with the newly returned baseline.

The tension slowly rises again, the DJ's mix having moved to a new song expertly, with the harmony and baseline becoming stronger. Now with no space left between us Miki's arms move from her side and move up along my shoulders and connect behind my neck, gently pulling my head lower. Inviting me to make a move. I spare a momentary thought to my lack of a curse as I watch her eyelashes flutter closed and I allow mine to follow suit as I lean a little lower allowing instinct to direct what seems natural. It feels so comfortable. Her warmth, my mind intoxicated by the music and mood of the club. All of it.

First I just let my lips brush hers. Then when her lips reply in kind I kiss her properly. Starting slowly, hesitantly, then a little longer and deeper each time. Letting the music, the dancers... time move around us for these few moments. But in my mind, I'm not picturing Miki's short brown hair with her bangs pinned back behind her ears with blue star hairpins, her soft featured freckled face, her hazel eyes or her cherry red lips. Instead I see Tohru.

I can close my eyes and picture Tohru's soft, long brown hair and deep thoughtful eyes, seeing her dressed up in a yellow dress with white trimming and me in a tuxedo. Dancing with her somewhere where she belongs, dressed and treated by all as a princess, loved by all simply because of all the lovely traits that make her uniquely Tohru. A place where no one hurts because her healing power has eased our suffering as Junishi. Her happiness bringing happiness to all; but especially to me. My fairytale.

The music comes to a close and our bodies part. Miki's cheeks blushing a soft red as she leans up and kisses me on the cheek, making my cheeks glow in turn to match hers as my mind returns from my daydreams. She looks over my shoulder and gives a quick nod to whoever's behind me. Her eyes meet mine again and reaches up so her lips, sweeping near my own, meet my ear and she whispers "thanks, and I always knew you'd be a good kisser". She winks before leaving with a slightly decreased group of our classmates. Some had decided to go home and others had left in pairs. She leaves me with a memory of her warm body against mine, the taste of alcohol and cherry chap-stick on my lips.

I walk over to the table where Haru and Rin had already started their drinks. Bit by bit my mind returns as I leave the intoxicating effect of the dance-floor. I feel slightly stunned at what I had just done. Was I so romantically frustrated I could use another girl to relieve some of that sensation? No matter how willing she was. What was worst was that I couldn't say I didn't enjoy it. If I had a girlfriend, would that have stopped me? Yes. Of-cause it would have…

I sit at the table, still slightly shaken, and pick up my drink. After I down some of my drink and a few more songs have passed my mind starts to settle into a contented buzz and my body feels warm and comfortable. I look over at Haru and Rin who had been engaged in a very intimate conversation, which involved much blushing, on Rin's part, and deep tones on Haru's. His fingers tracing the various contours of Rin's face and shoulders as hers trace small circles up his legs under the table.

I listen as the live band returns and people around the club get up to dance. I let myself pick up the beat and tap it with my feet as I sip more of my drink bit by bit. Haru moves his face away from Rin's and looks over at me.

"Ahh nice to see you dancing earlier Momiji" and he gives me a pat on the back. "No need for me to go show myself off out there though" He stands up behind Rin and raps his arms around her, "No one out there's as good as my woman". Rin giggles as Haru takes her empty glass from her hand and places it on the table along-side his. I wonder just how much they saw?

"Rin, do you want another drink?" Haru asks, talking into her hair, then he looks up at me "and you Momiji?"

"Na" I reply, my glass is still half full… or only half empty, whichever way you want to look at it. "I've still got plenty here".

"I'll have some more Haru, if you don't mind" Rin replies, she honestly looks happy beside him. It was good to see her smile so much. Hell, it was good just to see her outside a hospital.

Haru unwraps his arms from around his girlfriend and moves to get Rin her drink when she takes an unsteady step after him "Actually I might come, I want to walk about a bit" She wobbles slightly so Haru pulls her to his side. She looks up at him with a sweet smile and a face red from drinks and sweet-talk.

"You ok saving our seats Momiji?" Haru asks. I honestly don't mind, though I kinda feel like some company after that dance with Miki. My mind's not so muddled by alcohol yet that it's stopped bothering me but I figure they won't be gone long so there's no harm in it.

"Yeah, that's fine Haru" I grin up at him. Haru nods back to me and they leave the table holding hands, their fingers loosely intermingled, as they move through the pulsing crowd of people on the dance floor. Leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I close my eyes for a moment, resting my head against the wall behind my seat, to take in the surroundings. The upbeat DJ mixed music, the scent of deodorant mixed with lust heavy in the air and the memory of Rin's honest smile. Forever mirrored by Haru's.

I smile at the thought of what Haru had said. After thinking of the other couples I knew I came to the conclusion that it was just the way it is. To see person who makes your heart sing smile you'd do anything. And seeing it makes you smile and regardless of how bitter it may be when it's not you who's the reason for it. Your smile is always a reflection of theirs.

"Yeah, that chick, uh, Tohru who lives with Kyo and Yuki is a real looker huh" I bring my mind back from my thoughts as Tohru's name is spoken by some guys in her year sitting nearby. I recognise them from around the school. I let myself grin quietly in agreement. For about a second.

"Yeah, she's such a dunce though, I'd bet she'd bang any guy who'd be able to get her away from those freaking Sohma's. What's so good about her that makes her so worth their while to protect her?" Another of the guys in the group asks. I clench my fists resting on the seat beside me as I listen in.

One of his friends laughed. "Yaaaeeh, I'd bet thatthey bofh bang 'er 'emselfs hahaha n thay wanna be tha only one's". One of the group's drunkest slurs out. "Isay we shoul' bang her ourselfs". A few others in the group nod and clink glasses.

I hear someone's drink slam onto a table while I become increasingly pissed off. How sick and just... nasty must this group of drinkers be to be so rude. I look on the table, and realise it'd been my drink.

"I see her in PE, when none of her 'all mighty Sohma protectors' are there" as I watch on the blond has the gall to grin as he looks around at his friends and is rewarded as they lean closer to urge him on. "She's so dim, I'd bet if I asked her to come with me to my locker to get some homework she'd jump at the chance" he laughs as his plans form in his mind. "We could so jump her then. No one would know". My final nerve brakes with the clash of their drinks in toast to the idea.

I couldn't, wouldn't, take it any longer.

This had gone far too far already. I hear my chair clatter as I stand quickly. Hearing only the blood pumping through me hyped on adrenalin and seeing only my target surrounded by red.

One of the others looks around as my chair lays beside me. My eye's focus on the one who looks the drunkest. I keep my eyes on him as I walk steadily towards where he's sitting. Palms open. A relaxed pose. I even place on my mask, my smile. I'd use whatever advantage I could get and surprise, as much as I could make it, would sure as hell be one of them.

I stroll over as casually as I can and with a smile I tap him on the shoulder. He turns with a grin just in time to see my fist head straight for his face and long enough for me to get some pleasure out of his face contorting into surprise as my fist makes his face a personal acquaintance.

I hear a very satisfying crack from my punch. His drink now spilt down his shirt and dripping down the glass, off his hand and onto the floor. The look complete with a drizzle of blood making its way down from his nose and over his lips. It takes a second for him to register the shock, and a second longer to use his free hand to return the gesture. But I see it coming, stepping to the right I dodge it. I was still much less drunk than he was. I grin.

I hear a noise to my right just seconds before I feel the sharp punch to my cheek. My original target might have been too drunk to land a hit, but his friends weren't. I raise my hand to my cheek, tasting the cut on the inside of my mouth, but I don't have long to think about it. Looking around I realise I was now up against five guys all about a year older than me, and only one definitely not sober enough to win one on one.

"Hey, you're one of those Sohma kids aren't you? You mad that you don't get a piece of Tohru too? You only gotta ask" He stands still with his arms open and a sly smirk on his face. Just long enough for him to dodge my next punch.

"You're low, scum" I declare, nearly yell.

Then two other fists join the fight.

I back-step, just missing the first fist aimed directly at me but as I find my balance another fist catches me on the side. I move my hand, as a reflex, to cover the new pain radiating from the side of my chest.

Anger moves through me and my thoughts go to Kyo. HE should be the one here protecting Tohru's honour. My eyes flood with red again. I see Kyo in-front of me, a budding black eye and a split lip. I try to say something slanderous but the words don't make it from my brain, too full of fury.

I lunge towards the nearest guy but I lose my balance as he steps aside. His friend adds a well aimed shove and I fall forward, my arms out to brace myself, and trying to ignore the pain to my side.

I roll over onto my back, only just registering that my hands had rolled over something particularly painful. I lift my leg up from the ground to catch one of the guys, planning a more direct assault, in the gut before I push myself to standing and raise my hands ready to defend myself.

Then three things happened at once. The club's security yells out and moves towards us to stop the fight, Haru calls my name and that moment of distraction causes me allow the blond douche to land a strong punch to my gut. I was down. Again.

From the floor I see Haru for a moment. His eye's flickering quickly from concerned to 'black'. He finally settles his gaze on the guys fighting me.

"You really want some huh" Haru says, sparing no time in backing his claim. Delivering two punches and a smirk on the side. He stands in front of me, defensive, as I recover. "That was for Tohru", so he had heard, and his grin widens. He was truly 'black' now.

Haru swiftly lands another punch in the jaw of one of the group members. "That was for Momiji, you assholes. You want more?"

I look around for a moment as my stomach's pain momentarily calms. I finally spot Rin, her hands covering her mouth; her eye's revealing her concern for Haru. The security quickly organise themselves and move to stop the fight which was now surrounded by onlookers cheering on one side or the other.

My mind finally registers the pain throbbing from where I'd been punched or landed, forcing me to snap out of my daze. The back of my hands sting in particular I realise. I look at them and see, with a shudder, small shards of glass covering them with red splinters. I turn and see the glass responsible on the floor where I'd fallen earlier.

The group, who look far more cautious of Haru than they had of myself, begin to back off. I watch Rin rush over and hug Haru from behind. He turns to face her, seeing her concern and fear in her eyes. He moves back to 'normal' Haru and he returns her hug. His eye's mirroring her concern, but directed at me.

He and Rin turn to me. Haru offers his hand to help me up. As I reach out to him he catches my wrist instead and turns it. He sees the glass across the back of my hand and his eyes meet mine again. I quickly turn my hand over and put in place my mask of a smile. We had won hadn't we?

Haru roughly pulls me up and I grimace despite myself. I Look away from Haru for a moment to hide the pain but he sees all of it. I try to take a step but the pain from my side makes me wince and half my face feels crumpled. Haru pulls me up onto his back, piggyback style, and nods to Rin as we move towards the door.

The manager's gaze follows us to the door where Haru turns, his strong arms only just keeping me in place, and gives a short polite bow.

"Thankyou for your hospitality, but now I must get my cousin home". I give a quite smile to my cousin's polar personalities and as he stands straight my eyes become heavy, the late hour and my energy crashing finally getting the best of me. I decide to rest my head on my arm, looped carefully over Haru's shoulder as he and Rin walk together in the moonlight down the streets towards the Sohma Estate.

Within minutes I feel myself drift to sleep lolled by Haru's steady steps.

A door shuts and Haru moves beneath me, jostling me awake as I rest on his shoulders. I'm not entirely sure what actually woke me but I'm sure it was either of those. I feel the throbbing pain of my stiff and injured muscles and my hands ache from the cuts and wish I'd stayed asleep... or payed more attention when Haru was teaching me what he'd learnt from Kazuma.

I pull my heavy head up and motion Haru to let me down. I slide off his back quietly and he braces me as I get my balance. I waver for a moment but then stand, tentatively, trialling a step towards where Hatori's resting and find I'm quite able.

Haru nudges Hatori; who'd fallen asleep reading medical journals on the couch. His eyes open quickly and he sits up. He rubs his eyes and looks between Haru and I warily.

"What can I help you with Momiji, Hatsuharu?" Haru and I share a glance and start speaking simultaneously.

"Momiji's hands need looking at"

"Haru has a nasty bruise; do you have some ice packs or something?"

Hatori sighs, "Haru, what did you and Momiji do tonight?"

"We went to a club" he says. As though there were nothing wrong with it.

Hatori looks at Haru for a minute longer, trying to work out the punch-line. Why he would need ice and what was wrong with my hands. Then he looks at me.

I fall obedient like a little child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "We, uh, got into a little fight..." I admit, my head lowered, prepared for Hatori to launch into a lecture.

"Hatsuharu, go get some ice packs from the freezer. Momiji, let me see your hands. I will discuss this with you tomorrow". I turn over my hands watching Haru leave from the corner of my eyes and I look back in time to see Hatori's eyes widen but still keep his professional calmness as always.

"Sit down Momiji while I go get some supplies to take care of your hands". Still a little drowsy I follow his order and sit on the still warm couch. My mind starts trying to unscramble what had happened. One drink wasn't really that much for me was it? Hmm... I'd better be more careful next time.

As I remember bits and pieces I recall Kyo taking place, in my mind, of the guys who said such awful things about Tohru. What had he been doing recently? Since Tohru had been in hospital I hadn't seen much of him out of school. Seeing him in school... still hurt to much.

I look up as Haru comes back and sits down with a large number of ice packs on a one seater couch a little bit away. He hands me most of them. I carefully place them where they are most needed, holding one up against my cheek.

Hatori comes back in with tweezers, anti-inflammatory cream, bandages and some stronger glasses so he can see right up close. He sits beside me and looks over my hands. Then he slowly begins picking out the small pieces of glass, one by painful one. I grimace with each piece.

"Uh, Hatori" I ask.

"Mmm" Hatori replies quietly, keeping his focus.

"Have you heard much from Kyo lately?" I wonder aloud. Partly friendly curiosity and partly personal interest. Ok, mostly personal interest.

"Akito's agreed to leave him free to do as he wishes after school now. No imprisonment. Kazuma is very happy about that. Kyo's father less so. He claims that Kyo confronted him and admitted to being the one who drove his mother to commit suicide and hasn't stopped badgering Akito about it since." Hatori says softly as he works carefully on my hands. I look over to Haru who nods in agreement. I've been out of the loop it seems.

Hatori plucks out the last piece of glass, checks both hands over carefully and cleans the now open cuts before applying the cream to them. He picks up the bandages and covers the worst of it.

"Well I think I can leave you two to find your own way to bed. Be careful of your hands and let me know if they need another look or anything else that needs looking at alright Momiji, Hatsuharu". He nods to us as he leaves the room heading towards his bedroom. Haru lounges out across the small couch quietly resting his eyes.

I look down at my bandaged hands. How can I say to myself now that I am any better than that cat? At least he's trying, obviously far harder than I am, to be worthy of her. Maybe... she's better with him.

_I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands…_

_Authors comment:_

_Weeeeeeeeell hehe my first multi chap fict is officially muti chap now! Whoooooho hehe. Hope you enjoyed this. Like I said before. This isn't going to be some happy go lucky fict, things will only get more visual/worst from here on so if you don't think you should be reading something like this then stop now before you get in to deep. Next Chap should be up... eventually ; right now with my uni workload it's unlikely to be for a bit though. Maybe in a few weeks...We shall see how I go __._

_Thanks go to – _

_My cousin Fatgoldfish91, for putting up with me bugging her for critiques hehe sends love_

_Queen of the Crazy People, for giving a lovely comment that inspired me to get this done now, and not in thee weeks hehe. Much love to you too!_

_All the other people who I bugged for reviews_

_Natsuki __Takaya, for making such awesome characters! (who I claim no ownership of hehe)_

_Savage Garden, for their awesome lyrics/music. Go grab one of their CD's and check em out!_

_All the people who read this fict love you hehe_

_Thanks, and thats all for now. Remember – comments love and will get me to post the next chapters sooner... ;)_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I roll out of my bed scrunching my eyes against the sun shining through my window. I wince a little as my body reminds me not to treat my health so lightly again. I figure after crashing straight into bed I'd better start with a shower but don't really relish seeing myself in the mirror. Not with the ache in my cheek promising a decent shiner on the outside to match. But I make it to the bathroom regardless and after a short inspection I decide it's not as bad as I thought; bar my still bandaged hands. I step into the shower and get myself cleaned up.

I get changed back in my room, light pale blue T with a striped long sleeve shirt underneath and a comfortable pair of jeans. Just right for a Sunday. I make my way to the kitchen to grab some lunch, since I missed breakfast by miles, and see Hatori already there frying a second omelette.

"Good morning Hatori" I greet him with my normal buoyancy and start looking for something I could help with for the surprise belated breaky.

"Sleep well?" He looks over and I nod in reply. He shuts off the range-hood and the stovetops. He brings over the food and I bring the glasses of juice I'd just poured. Now particularly glad I'd done the shopping yesterday.

"How are you feeling? You look a little better".

"Yeah, my hands still hurt a little but otherwise I'm good. Thanks for the help last night."

"You're welcome, and what else could I have done hmm? You're just lucky I'd fallen asleep on the couch. I'll admit I hadn't thought I'd have to deal with something like that in my own house since Shigure and Aya grew up" He let a slightly devious grin show. Nice to know there weren't any hard feelings. "Momiji, is there anything else you'd like to discuss? I'm sure last night was all good fun but you going out and doing things like that does worry me".

I look down at my plate, "I'm sorry Hatori. I'll be more careful next time… It's just that they insulted Tohru right in front of me. I couldn't help it".

"Well either way, I'd expect better judgement from you Momiji, trying to fight a whole group of guys by yourself" It seemed Haru had told more than he needed to. I look down embarrassed at disappointing Ha'ri.

"I promise I'll take better care from now. I'm sorry" Hatori nods his acceptance.

"Just remember, you can talk to me about your problems too alright".

"Thanks Hatori. I will." He smiles, and I return it. There aren't words for just how much I appreciate having Hatori watching over me.

"Well you should have seen… Haru?" I realise suddenly what's wrong with mid morning scene. "Um, Hatori, where's Haru?"

"Oh, he left a few hours ago. So he'd be home by now I guess. He's probably checking on Rin knowing him". It does sound like him. Still, it's odd he didn't wait to say goodbye.

"Ahh. Well in that case… I might actually get some schoolwork done today". Hatori nods. Sounds like a good idea in all.

I take the dishes and clean them as Hatori heads to his office to relax with his journals and make check up calls on a sick patient of his.

I sit down at my desk, put away my art and grab my school diary to see what needed to be worked on. Nothing interesting unfortunately. And I can't honestly call practicing my violin homework anymore, I know the songs off by heart so it's become pure procrastination. I reach to the ground and grab my English essay notes due in a few weeks and flip open the class book to where I'd read up to.

'Tap' I jolt up from my comfortable position on my chair. 'Tap tap' the sound has shocked me out of the story. I look over to my window where the sound had come from. 'tap tap'. I put my bookmark back in the book and go over. I see Haru standing under the window and wave, but he doesn't wave back. Confused I head down the stairs and to the door.

"Good afternoon Haru"

"Is Hatori home?" I frown, he looks odd. Purposeful.

"Uhh, no. Come on in". We walk in and Haru lounges on the couch. Finally some normal behaviour.

"Uh, what's up?" I ask.

"Last night that girl you danced with wasn't a Junishi". Shit, so he had seen. "So either another animal has suddenly joined the junishi and you just happened to end up dancing with her…" He turns his face to look directly at me "Or, you broke the curse". I open my mouth to respond but fail, the statement catching me off-guard as much as Haru's fierce steady gaze. He looks back down, "I thought as much, you've been acting weird".

"Does Rin know?" I ask frowning slightly. Haru looks away, his suspicions confirmed.

"She doesn't. I didn't think it'd help her finding out just now when she wants to break it so much".

"Ahh". Well no point trying to hide it now. "I don't know how it happened... It was some point a few weeks ago. A little before Tohru went into hospital I guess and suddenly... it was just gone."

We sat quietly for a while as Haru slowly absorbed the information.

"Will you tell Rin?"

"No… she told me that Shigure said it would happen to all of us eventually. We can just keep waiting I guess." His fists are clenched at his side. "Damnit, I want it too." He bangs his fist on the couch then looks back up at me "Have you told anyone?"

"No. Well, just Akito. And I implied it to Kyo but he must have kept quite." Haru listens quietly, as usual, sensing I have more to say. "It was strange. I just felt so lost." I bite my lip slightly feeling my trapped emotions slowing brewing over.

"Haru, How come… How come now that I'm free I feel so lonely?" Frustration causing tears to start.

I catch confliction briefly cross Haru's face before he stands and crosses the short space between us. "For such a smart person, you really are dumb sometimes Momiji. Thinking we'd leave you behind so easily". He raises his hand and ruffles my hair.

"I'll keep your secret Momiji, until you're ready for someone else to know."

"Thanks Haru"

"Umm, I'd better get back to Rin. I told her I wasn't going to be away for long." He grinned "And I wouldn't want to keep a woman like that waiting hmm". Haru turns to leave. His duty done.

"Uh, Alright, see you tomorrow?" I ask to his back.

"Of cause" He waves his goodbye.

I walk into school beside Haru. Today we we're late because Haru just couldn't seem to find his tie, and then his math books, and then he managed to lose his backpack for 5 minuets before we were finally able to leave. My right hand is still wrapped and hurting from Saturday night but I feel unusually light hearted for a Monday morning, which I know is bugging Haru. I guess I let off a lot of stress.

Our first class today is history. Which was lucky really as our teacher's normally late himself and because it's something I know a fair bit about. Spending lots of time with Hatori has its benefits; he's quite the history buff. All this means is that I do well enough so I'm rarely someone he picks on. Haru and I walk along the halls and walk through our classroom doors. Normally we sit together and I help Haru with the answers but today, as I look around, there aren't any spare seats together. Haru shrugs and I move to the right side of the room towards the windows as Haru takes the left.

I sit down next to a classmate I don't normally talk to, but I guess I can't say I dislike him either. I peer over his books and find out his name is Ruiki Yori. I smile at him, for no particular reason than to be friendly, but I'm met by a glare of sorts from him. My smile, as fragile as it is, leaves. Instead I decide to take a look outside. It happens to be a day typically described as beautiful with the sun dappling the playground with mid-morning light.

As I gaze at the yard I let my mind drift. Tohru should be coming out of hospital very soon. I've been avoiding Kyo since Tohru's been in hospital but from what I hear from Yuki and Haru he's been doing really well. Damn him. It's not easy to think of him as being more worthy of being with Tohru when I want to be with her so much. I curse him quietly as the classroom door swings open and our teacher... doesn't walk in.

I look at the old man walking through the door with the compulsory load of books and worksheets. He walks to the front of the class.

"Hello everybody. My name is Mr Koshiba" He turns to write it on the board "and as your regular teacher isn't here today I'm taking his classes" I sigh inwardly as I realise that this lesson's about to go to hell. No one's gonna do any work with a substitute teacher heading us. Especially one who seems as though he'd have about the same amount of enthusiasm for this class as he would eating... brussel sprouts. But being the 'good' student I am I pull out my workbook and get prepared for whatever drudgery is coming my way. I catch Haru's eyes and he rolls his eyes to show he thinks the same.

Slowly we descend into the class work which no one paying any particular attention to but, lucky for the substitute, we don't feel like putting up any arguments on a Monday morning and merely go about the work in the slowest fashion possible.

As the bell goes a collective sigh goes up from the class. Finally, the lesson is over and we can move on. I grin as I grab my bag and head off to my favourite class. Music.

Haru and I go our separate ways, Haru has a different elective, and I wander casually towards the music classroom.

I go inside and take in the ambience for a moment. I love the feeling that you get from a music classroom when the class has a self directed practical lesson. Some of my classmates have already taken up residence for the lesson in the small 'soundproofed' rooms off the main classroom while others are casually chatting as they warm up and tune their instruments.

I chuck my bag and books onto a desk and head towards the locked room, currently unlocked, where my instrument is kept. I enter the room which is busy with other students who own their own instruments and carefully pick up my violin and walk towards one of the unoccupied 'sound booths'.

As the door closes behind me I leave behind all the troubles of the world for a moment as I open my case and pull out my violin. I play a few notes to check the tuning, it's fine, and then I start with my favourite song. One of my own actually and, as most things of mine are, inspired by Tohru.

I play the first notes at a fairly light and happy pace as I play out our first meeting, from my perspective anyway, and I can hear the way my heart beat faster when I kissed her in the bounce of the beat and the joy of finding someone with a soul as innocent and accepting as hers. Then go into a stronger section as I play how I found out she was staying near me, with my cousins, and that I'd be seeing her more. I steadily increase the pace and the pitch as I play the day at the hot springs and the fun we had there, but some lower tones come in as I hint at the next segment. I sharp turn in the music comes and the pitch falls steeply to match my emotions as Tohru and Kyo become closer while I stay to the side. A kid. I keep the pitch steady as the music tells of our continued increasingly platonic 'relationship' and the pain with sharp high notes spread through the segment. The song turns soft as I play to where we are at now. The tempo coming to a close and the song coming to close on a low.

I take a deep breath. I love that song but it always takes so much out of me to play. As I come back to my senses I hear a quite clapping coming from the entrance. My teacher smiles from the doorway. I try to smile back. My mask in place again.

"You play so well Momiji, I wish you'd allow the rest of the school to hear it" she says, subtly hinting towards the opportunity I have to play this piece in front of the school at the next assembly. An opportunity I've previously declined. And today's no different.

"I'm sorry Yumi, I just think this one's too personal to play in front of everyone." The same party line I've used from the beginning. She lets out an exaggerated sigh.

"You artists" she states, but she smiles. I know she feels quite privileged to be permitted to hear me play. I've only played my own music in front of the class once. Every other time has been a piece we've been told to present as a whole group and it's generally been one made and handed to us to learn rather than something we've composed ourselves.

I start another piece, the one I have chosen to play in front of the class and she gets the hint. Nodding she moves off to another student who needs some help with a particular part of her piano solo where her composition has hit a metaphorical brick wall.

Soon as the door shuts though I change my music again. I've practiced the presentation piece plenty of times so I don't really need to do it again. I let myself just relax into the violin and play whatever comes to me. Happy, sad, angry, hopeful. The thing I love most about music is that it lets me say everything I hide behind my mask. With all the turmoil in my mind I love that I can just… play.

I reawaken as the tinny alarm plays through the school. Far too soon. The bell goes and I grudgingly put away my instrument. Lock the cupboard door and then leave the room. I hear the door close behind me and I force myself to face reality again.

I walk towards the area I normally eat my recess at. The bustle of my classmates rushing to their food and find their friends around me. I wonder where Kyo, Haru and Yuki are. Probably getting their food and heading to where we eat together too. Though I'm still not sure I can face up to Kyo right now. Not when he's doing so much better than me with Tohru. I envy him for his closeness to her, I'm angry at him because it's not me, I'm happy that he's found someone because he's my cousin and my friend and I'm depressed that it's not me who found her.

I sigh. Even though I'm the one who can actually hold her right now. Even though she's all that I want. He's still the only one who can make her happy.

And the idiot barely even realises it.

I reach my locker and chose to vent my anger on it with a sharp punch. Not so smart I realise a second later when the pain in my hand reminds me why it was bandaged all weekend.

Haru walks over and gently knocks me on my head, "That wasn't smart".

I grin sheepishly. Just having the one person who I can't fool nearby calms me. "Well... I guess I wasn't in a smart mood." I shut my locker door and start walking down the hallway. Haru following without needing any words.

We find a tree to sit at and relax in the shade, which is still rather warm.

"You going to tell me what's wrong?" Haru asks between bites of his sandwich. Which he should be saving till lunch. I eat my apple and don't say a word.

"Tohru's coming out of hospital on Wednesday huh" He starts casually. I mentally curse him for his accuracy when it comes to what's upsetting me. He picked it right as always.

I let out a sigh and rest my head back against the tree. "Yeah. She is".

"And Kyo's ban ends doesn't it?" I watch him from the corner of my eye bite into his sandwich so nonchalantly. Like Yuki's said from the beginning; he's far smarter and more observant than most give him credit for.

I take a last bite from the apple and throw it at the bin. Earning me a satisfying metallic pang as the bin rocks and the apply drops to the earth and rolls nearby.

"Mmmhmm. That bin deserved it" Haru nods in a mildly sarcastic tone. One thing I do like about black Haru is that you always know exactly where you stand with him, reading white Haru is a little harder.

"Rin asked how your hand is holding up. She was worried, and she doesn't normally worry. I was proud of her." He smiles as he takes another bite and munches thoughtfully, "Are you sure you won't talk to us?" Haru looks ahead but the honesty and concern shows.

"I'm sorry Haru… I don't even know if I have it all figured out in my own head and till I do I don't think I can explain it to anyone else." I leave him with that answer.

Haru nods slowly. He knows that if I could I would have told him but for now he's alright leaving it. Well ok, that's not wholly true; his 'leaving it' is just him quietly scheming the next way to get me to talk. But that's okay too.

The bell rings and I pack up my stuff before walking with Haru to his next classroom. But with a double 'free study period' in the afternoon, I decide I'm going to leave at lunch. Maybe I'll say hello to Tohru later. I consider the option as I move as part of the student mass towards my next class. Only two more lessons left.

I smile as I walk away from the school grounds. Signed out and all. Haru may have given me a very begrudging look before I left but I still couldn't be happier knowing I'll be seeing Tohru again in only minutes.

I close around the last bend and walk up to the now familiar shiny see-through entrance doors. As I do though I see the familiar short cut golden hair of a very familiar girl standing at the counter.

I walk up behind my shorter cousin and listen in on her conversation with the woman behind the counter.

"Yes, Tohru Honda is scheduled to be released from the hospital this Wednesday. Do you have any other questions I can help with Kisa?" She gives a quite shake of her head and moves to head down the hall.

"Hey Kisa." She turns and grins broadly.

"Momiji! Are you here to see Tohru too? Before she gets released from hospital" I nod.

"Why aren't you at school?" I ask slightly concerned that bullies have caused her to start skipping again. She's held it together really well since last year, especially with Hiro in her corner, so I was sure that wouldn't be the case. Still.

"Actually, I have the day off cause I had a cold this morning and Mum thought it might be better for me to rest. I'm feeling better this afternoon though so I thought I'd visit Tohru instead of lazing around waiting for Hiro to come by." She grins. I take her word on it. "How about you"?

"I have free periods this afternoon so I thought I'd come by too. Before she becomes 'Kyo's Tohru' right". Kisa laughs softly in the corridor as we walk down the hall towards Tohru's room.

"You're not wrong. But we all knew it would happen. Even Yuki has started moving on. But you're having trouble with that aren't you?" She looks at me and I swear she didn't look in the slightest bit similar to the Kisa of a year ago. Her confidence has changed her for the better completely.

I nod slowly. I guess it's not as though I was doing too good a job hiding it.

"Do you want to talk? If you do I'll listen to whatever's on your mind Momiji." I meet her eyes and I finally decide to concede.

"Sure, I guess we may as well."

"Great," she smiles brightly, "Then… can we get some ice-cream too?"

I laugh with her, "Sure, let's go get some."

We eat our ice-cream at the park next to the hospital with the sun's warm rays melting them steadily.

As I expected, Kisa listened to everything perfectly. I told her about my feelings, our first meeting, how I felt about Kyo and Tohru being together and basically… everything. She listened quietly with her golden brown eyes watching intently and her soft voice asking the occasional question.

"So I guess I just haven't seen any one who matches her in my mind" I finish.

"Thankyou for telling me all that Momiji, that must have been hard to keep to yourself." She begins.

I nod. Not realising till I'd finally shared it all out loud just how much there was there to tell.

"What part do you want to talk about first? What's troubling you the most?" She asks. Her calm expression encouraging me, hinting that there might be an answer to what's troubling me. That someone might actually know

"Well I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. You get it? I mean, I can't stop him if he makes her happy and I can't seem to get over her. I don't know why I still love her and I can't stand the fact that I do but I don't think I want to stop either. I just don't know." I rest my head in my hands, the corners of my mouth inching downwards as Kisa slowly finishes her ice-cream beside me. I watch her from the corner of my eyes. Her thoughtful expression as she tries to come up with what to tell me.

"I don't think you're being fair on yourself Momiji. Do you remember how I was when I liked Hiro but I didn't think he liked me back? It was hell because I was always second guessing myself and hating that I never tried. I'm not saying that it's exactly the same, but, I'm saying I can understand where you're coming from. I think that loving someone you know will never love you back feels so good because it's so bad for you. You live forever wanting something you know you can never have but safe in the knowledge that you will never have to risk everything to find out how it could have been."

I look at her and wonder how so much wisdom could come from someone so small and young. I guess she grew up while I wasn't watching. I nod slowly. She got it just right, "So what do you think I should do then?"

"I think… I think the best thing for you is distance and time. Being near her and being tempted by her being near you and seeing her with Kyo is upsetting you". She gazes across the field of grass ahead of us and I wait as she takes another bite of her ice-cream as she thinks. "And it's not like you're in a place in your life where everything's new and changing. That you don't have a lot of new things happening in your life is only exasperating the problem". She takes a last bite of her ice-cream still thinking, "I can't think off the top of my head what you could do, and it's only a little longer before Tohru, Kyo and Yuki graduate. So staying here is still an idea. But then even if she's not at school she'll still be around, and unless Kyo and her leave somewhere else entirely it could still be a problem and then they are the ones to decide when they visit and leave which isn't great on your end."

"Yeah, I guess that's a good point. So maybe I need to go somewhere instead?" my thoughts jump for a moment, "Like... going on exchange..."

"Yeah" She grins. I sit still in surprise, even just the concept of that idea feeling extravagant. I mean even with how Akito's been what's to say he'll even agree to something like that when it was a struggle to go to a co-gender school? I mean I've never really thought of exchange and leaving everyone. There are so many, too many, questions around it to begin with. Where would I go? What effect would it have on my education? Is it too extreme? How would I get the money? Do I even want to?

My thoughts start to swim when another voice startles me from behind.

"Hey Kisa" Hiro's gentle smile spreads as Kisa grins widely and jumps up to hug him. He nods respectfully to me "Momiji". I smile and stand.

"Hi Hiro, you off school too?" Kisa laughs and Hiro shakes his head,

"It's already 3:30 Momiji" Kisa says, "We've been talking for a long time."

I check my watch and she's right. I laugh with them. Talking to Kisa helped me release so much of my burden.

I walk towards the see-through doors again and even if I haven't made any decisions I can't help but feel lighter.

Little did I know that earlier that day, around about just after recess, a text had crossed Kisa's phone sent by a certain medalling bi-polar best friend suggesting I needed someone to talk to and that I'd happen to be visiting Tohru that afternoon. As the sun descends and I spend the remaining hospital visit talking to Tohru until as far into the evening as visitors are allowed Haru rests well with the text on his phone beside him flashing two words, 'mission accomplished' sent by Kisa Sohma.

_I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you…_

_Author_

_Hey all, 'avoids thrown tomato's' Those with sharp eyes will have noted some changes to the first 3 chapters. Just updated them as my ideas have developed for the rest of the story. I know. It's been, ages and ages and ages since I've updated this fict. But I swore that it wasn't hyatus'd! I'd just been kept busy at uni. And I'm promising the 4th chaptor sometime soon. It 'is' written, just not quite polished and edited yet. But it's coming!_


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